Today's Craigslist Post of The Day goes to the clever person who wrote this post:

Antique Artisanal Bonfire Fuel (Brunswick)

These genuine artifacts were originally imported from rural Vermont via ox cart and lovingly crafted by skilled Quakers into the historic Smith residence of Moodyville. Tragically, a few years ago, the dwelling collapsed in a blizzard due to extensive use of inferior Canadian lumber. These fine hand-hewn timbers are all that remain. Certified ghost-free by Dr. Dawn Guernstadt of the Southern Maine Council on Ghost Free Timber Certification. Bring your saw and I'll help you cut it up for easier transport. And remember, it's not arson if the house has been dismantled, right? Accelerant available."
Too funny. I'm going to call Dr. Guernstadt to examine some old decking that I fear may be haunted.