I have always tried to follow the letter of the law but sometimes crime can be enticing, especially when it's completely absurd. Sometimes you want to become a little bit of an outlaw like Tom Hardy and make moonshine in your basement during prohibition.

I do know that we're no longer living in the prohibition era however the laws below were probably written during that period of time. I am unaware if they are still fully enforced but if you want to get frisky I invite you to find out with me by breaking the law.

Close up part of face little girl doing fun saliva bubbles

1. Spitting

I was today years old when I learned what "expectorate" is. Gather around, everyone (but not too close) because it means "to spit" and in Freeport, it is illegal to "expectorate" from any second-story window according to onlyinyourstate.com. So when the urge comes please either swallow, grab a trash bin, or better yet head up to the 3rd floor and let it all out there.

Man holding whistle while yelling

2. Biting

You know that feeling after Christmas passes when you're broke and your landlord is already giving you those pesky reminders that rent is due soon? Your palms get sweaty, knees get weak, arms are heavy and there's vomit on your sweater already from Mom's spaghetti? No matter how much you may want to, you cannot bite your landlord. Taking a bite out of your landlord may prove to be extremely satisfying when they're constantly after you to pay rent, but you need to hold back because according to stupidlaws.com it's forbidden in Rumford.

I'm not sure why this law is specific to biting? Was there an activist group of "vampires against landlords" that banded together at one point in history where law-makers were forced to outlaw the biting of said landlords? Don't bite the landlord but hey go crazy with the mailman!


Woman with allergy symptom blowing nose

3. No Blowing

Who doesn't love when bodily fluids become so bad they're illegal? So far we can't spit or bite, there goes my Tuesday night but now to the boogers!

If you find yourself walking down Main Street in Waterville observing the energetic winter bustle of the city and a cold front attacks your face which creates major boogers (cuz science) and you feel the urge to blow, do NOT reach for that hanky, tissue or sleeve because blowing your nose in public is FORBIDDEN! You'll immediately be thrown in jail and your life will be over. Not to mention your nose will be wicked stuffy, Bub.


4. The Tickles

This is one of the most absurd laws I have ever heard. Get ready because it is illegal for a man to tickle a woman with a feather duster under her chin. There's not much to say on this one except that Mary Poppins probably wrote it.

Scott Lewis
Scott Lewis

5. Violins are NOT OKAY

Lastly, the hills are alive with the sound of music but don't you ever play your violin in the streets of Augusta because it's illegal. Again we ask why so specific to this instrument? What is it about violins that Augusta lawmakers were against? It's perfectly fine to play your accordion, banjo, or harmonica but don't ever play the violin outside.

Although these laws may not be as enforceable any longer, they are still laws and in my opinion, these laws are meant to be broken, except for the biting, unless you have consent. I am assuming these laws were written by very rigid men against bodily fluid, biting, and the wonderful sound of violins. With that being said, I am not responsible for providing any bail money.

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