Here’s What Would Happen If Maine Lobsters Could Eat Maine People
The Maine Lobster Festival continues in Rockland today. Tens of thousands of lobster meat will be consumed by Mainers and tourists alike. The event is not without controversy, as a new ad at the Portland Jetport urges people NOT to enjoy the crustaceans as food because they are individuals. "I'm ME, not MEAT." claims the lobster in the ad, which is sponsored by PETA:
Now, I don't subscribe to the "lobsters are people too" idea. You know why? Because if they were bigger,....and smarter...and maybe a bit faster....they would eat US! I know this because Celeste and myself were actually been eaten by a giant lobster in a 1989 classic cult movie masterpiece shot in Maine movie called "Lobsteroids".
The movie basically combined Maine lobsters, Maine Rock and Roll bands and Maine Steroidsintoo one silly movie mess. You see, the steroid-injected lobsters, driven by the noise and frequency of Rock and Roll, try and take over Portland. Hilarity and carnage ensues.
The movie soundtrack is a who's-who of local rock from the 80's. Carol and the Charmers, The Kopterz, The Whigs, Nevada Beach, Bebe Buell's band The Gargoyles and tons more local bands all have songs in the movie. Filming was done all over Portland, including an epic "Lobster Beach Attack" scene on East End Beach that had hundreds of local extras running for their lives.
Now, our favorite part of Lobsteroids is when the giant mutant lobsters decide to attack the Blimp at One City Center. You'll see MUCH younger versions of Celeste (as the Blimp receptionist), myself The Captain, and WJBQ's Lori Voornas (before she even was a DJ) all get attacked and eaten.
Watch Celeste get eaten at the 57:10 mark
The Captain is a goner at the 57:43 mark.
Lori Voornas attacked by giant lobsters at the 57:17 mark
This movie, directed by Jim Peterson, is a good example of what Portland looked and sounded like in 1989. So bad, it's gooooood.
And now, our feature presentation...