Dear Jeep Driver,

Honestly, I have no idea how we didn't get into a T-bone accident this morning, because everything that happened in what felt like an equal split-second but also slow motion moment, should've resulted in an accident.

But thankfully somehow didn't.

Photo by Usman Malik on Unsplash / Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash
Photo by Usman Malik on Unsplash / Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

If you're reading this, I was the guy in the truck on Route 1 in Brunswick, Maine, near an intersection with a ton of different car dealerships, gas stations, and places to snag breakfast, that was in the left lane trying to take a left.

You were driving the opposite way in the right lane on your side of the road, and there was a massive tractor trailer in the left lane on your side of the road that stopped to let me take a left. And that's when the wonkiness all started to happen.

Knowing that I couldn't see a thing in the lane you were in because the tractor trailer was taking up so much real estate, I took my foot off the brake and started slowly coasting in front of the tractor trailer to get a better idea of what was coming in your lane.

However, when I went to tap the brakes again so I could slowly inch (even slower than I already was) into the lane you were driving in, my foot (which was wet from the fact it was misting/slightly raining outside) slipped right off the back corner of the brake pedal and tapped the gas lightly, which gave me the unexpected boost into the lane you were driving in...

...right as you were approaching that exact spot.

Everything from that moment literally feels like it was both a blur, but also happening in slow motion, like I mentioned earlier. Because I literally focused in on the front end of your Jeep approaching my passenger door, which felt like it was happening in slow motion, but I felt like the whole incident was over in the blink of an eye.

Knowing that slamming on my brakes wouldn't help because I'd still be parked halfway across your lane, I tried punching it with the gas real quick -- except, like had been happening this entire time (and I swear, has rarely happened before), my foot slipped right off the gas as I kept trying to slam my foot down on it.

And that's pretty much how it ended, because I kept trying to punch it as I watched your grill get closer and closer to my passenger door, then the rear panel of my truck bed, but somehow I felt no impact and heard no crunching noise of our vehicles connecting, even as I literally drove over the little median in the driveway of the business I was turning into.

It was truly a crisis (well, maybe more annoyance than crisis since neither of us were traveling that fast at all -- especially since there was a Brunswick Police officer parked across the street the entire time this happened) averted.

But, I just wanted to say that even though you were probably heated at me, your adrenaline was pumping, and you probably tossed every F-bomb my way during and after this whole thing happened, I just wanted to say I'm super sorry for the close call this morning.

That said, I just wanted you to know, too, that I wasn't driving like an ignorant idiot, and that it was legitimately just a really weird, wonky, series of stupid events that caused our almost-accident. If I messed up, I would've owned it, but I swear, none of it was caused by stupidity or trying to dive-bomb across lanes to get to my destination .03 seconds quicker -- I'm too old and tired for stupid, risky stuff like that.

I'm glad you're safe. I'm glad I'm safe. And I'm also glad we don't have to deal with the annoyance of going through insurance, auto body work, and just being in miserable moods for the rest of the day and week.

Also, selfishly, shout out to the Brunswick Police officer I mentioned earlier that was parked across the street while all of this happened, and hopefully realized it was a freak circumstance and not really crappy driving that caused this almost-accident -- because I won't lie, I fully expected to get pulled over, yelled at, and ticketed after all of this.

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