If you’re planning on driving into Boston on Friday, there’s something you should consider: you aren’t going to be driving into Boston on Friday.

In a twist of fate equaled only by a sharknado or St. Patrick’s Day falling on your brother-in-law’s birthday, Boston is poised to experience perhaps its worst-ever “carmageddon” when several factors will render the Big Dig in need of more digging.

On Friday, December 2, 2022, President Joe Biden will visit Boston for a Democratic fundraiser that will also feature Senators Elizabeth Warren and Ed Markey, according to MassLive. And it’s not in the suburbs, either, but rather at the new MGM Music Hall across from Fenway Park.

A visit from a sitting president is about as big as it gets for the Hub, unless royalty is on hand or something crazy.


For on the very same day Air Force One touches down, the Prince and Princess of Wales (a.k.a. William and Kate) will be in town for the second annual Earshot Prize Ceremony.

The Earshot ceremony is William’s initiative to tackle some of the planet’s most difficult environmental issues. You know, like…two giant motorcades in one small city.

According to Vanyaland, William’s event will also feature Billie Eilish, Annie Lennox and Ellie Goulding (I know – Billie Eilish and Ed Markey on the same day??).

The Royals’ visit will no doubt bring back memories of Prince Charles’ and Princess Diana’s visit to Massachusetts in 1986, and Queen Elizabeth’s 1976 stop to commemorate America’s bicentennial.

CNN’s report that Biden plans to meet with the Royals while in Boston makes you wonder when Lieutenant Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun trilogy has been named head of security.

Would you be shocked to see the Pope sitting next to Bill Belichick at that night’s Celtics game?

Ah yes! There is also a Celtics game, in which the league’s hottest team and championship favorites will challenge longtime rival The Miami Heat. Just Pat Riley’s hair gel could pose a threat to William’s environmental goals.

And guess who has plans to bring his five-year-old daughter to said Celtics game on Carmageddon 2022? Yours very truly!

At least all that gridlock will buy me a little more time to explain why it’s dicey to wear the jersey of her favorite player, due to his allegiance to a man who, among other nonsense, once called the earth flat.

It may be a day when public transportation is the only option. But look at it this way: you could always use an Orange Line fire to light one of Red Auerbach's cigars.

There's plenty to do in Boston during the holidays. Just...pick another day.

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