Let me just start off by saying thank you to Netflix.

Boy did the Roast of Tom Brady live up to the hype. In fact, just like Tom Brady, it exceeded expectations.

Getty Images
Getty Images

Was it a little long? Sure. But out of every roast I have seen, the hit rate by the roasters was, well, very Tom Brady-like. It was ruthless, hilarious, evil, incredible, ridiculous, and downright amazing.

The star-studded affair featured some of the biggest names in comedy, entertainment, and football. There were surprise guests, video breakdowns, shot toasts, and a whole lot of Rob Gronkowski. I'm not sure what else you would need.

It was a cathartic experience, one that was certainly needed in this time of division and lunacy. There's nothing like some good old politically-incorrect comedy to bring the nation together.

Getty Images
Getty Images

This was one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time, much better than I could have ever imagined. So, I thought it would be fun to rank every roaster, from Randy Moss worst to best, to try and really break down who brought it the most.

Without further ado, here is the official Roast of Tom Brady Roaster Rankings.

Quick Note: I left Kevin hart off this list since he was the host. I can't say I'm a huge Hart fan, but I thought he did a great job rolling with the punches and keeping the show going. Big props to the little guy.

Quick Note 2: I did not include any actual video, because I really like my job. If you watched the roast, you know where I'm coming from.

18. Randy Moss - I love Randy Moss. One of my favorite players ever. This was not for him.

17. Dana White - Only got 60 seconds, and got a few decent one-liners in. However, as usual, he basically made it about himself.

16. Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - The bit had its moments, but was too drawn out and never really landed. It's too bad, because I think the idea was a good one.

15. Will Farrell - We get it. You're Ron Burgandy, a character that has been played out for 20 years. But the Giants chant was quite funny.

14. Ben Affleck - That was just weird. I hope he's doing okay. I mean, I did appreciate the Malcolm Butler talk.

13. Robert Kraft - The Putin line was one of the best of the night. However, the other jokes were rough. I loved seeing the toast with Belichick, even if Bill looked like he wanted nothing to do with it.

12. Kim Kardashian - Not only did she take every joke like a champ, but she also did much better in her set than I'm sure most expected. Kim was set up with some good material.

11. Peyton Manning - Great zingers towards Brady and the rest of the Pats. Probably the cleanest set of the night, but also pretty damn funny.

10. Sam Jay - The comedian had some very funny cheap shots at many of the other roasters. However, the highlight was her wanting to "experiment" with Tom. I'll let you guess what that was.

9. Julian Edelman - Jules held his own up there. He really let Belichick have it, which got some of the best reaction of the night.

8. Drew Bledsoe - Easily one of the best sports of the night. The dude got filleted quite often. And his set was polished and funny. His delivery was also spot on.

7. Jeffrey Ross - Not his best roast, but still an absolute all-star. His Kraft massage joke even got Brady out of his seat to tell Ross to chill. Real or not, it was a hilarious moment.

6. Tom Brady - His rebuttal was very good. A little hokey at times, but ultimately very funny. His September 2001 joke was one of the darkest yet funniest moments of the night. The dude just doesn't suck at anything.

5. Andrew Schultz - It was a classic roast set from Schultz, who went around the room burning everyone. His delivery and enthusiasm are always infectious.

4. Rob Gronkowski - This set was truly out of this world. Gronk went off script numerous times in what can only be described as a glorious disaster. It was equal parts funny and ridiculous. He even got the Brady and Belichick to take a shot together.

3. Bill Belichick - What else would you expect from the man? Everything Bill does is gold. He had some great material, and the delivery was pure class. I'm sure he truly enjoyed lighting up both Brady and Kraft. I want Bill on more roasts.

Getty Images
Getty Images

2. Nikki Glaser - One of the greatest roast performances of all time. She was flawless with her takedowns. Her material was hilarious. She held nothing back, and we are all better for it. She easily would have been ranked first if our top spot presenter didn't show up.

1. Tony Hinchcliffe - All hail the true king of the night. Hinchcliffe was diabolical, unafraid, and downright hysterical. The dude commanded the room like Patton leading his men to victory. His precision and delivery was the stuff of legend. Some on that stage may never recover. All hail your new roast master.

If you haven't watched it yet, I highly recommend it, although (fair warning) this is absolutely for mature audiences only. Even the strong can get weak legs from this.

Thanks again to Netflix and Tom Brady for making this happen. I hadn't laughed like that in quite some time. Hopefully there's more of this in Netflix's future.

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